The Marching Band Experience

Y'ever wonder what marching band is like? No? Well, too bad!

First thing you're gonna have to put up with is the dreaded BAND CAMP. It's in the summer, so you're gonna be drowning in sweat and covered in sunburns and no amount of sunscreen will help you. You're probably going to have some kind of warmup every morning involving running in place or something similar, and you will be immediately burnt out right after waking up. Learning drill (where you go on the field) is usually pretty fun, unless the freshmen aren't locked in and make constant mistakes and you have to do the same thing over and over again. And I don't blame the freshmen for not being locked in, it's a lot to handle all at once. Then you'll have lunch and later dinner, and obviously it depends a lot on the band camp/school/wherever the heck this is being hosted, but in my experience, it's usually school cafeteria level of food (but at least you get bigger portions!). Then you get to go to bed (maybe go home if your school isn't funded enough to afford to send yo ass somewhere overnight) and it all repeats in the morning. And when it's over, you go home on that final day, and ZOO WEE MAMA THE BURN IS REAL. You crash into your bed and feel like you'll never wake up again, especially if you have cats or dogs sleeping on top of you.

Then comes the impending. School begins. You've been dreading this for so long. You have to put up with annoying people again and your evenings are no longer fully yours to squander. But worry not! Band gets much better from here. You get more used to it and eventually you have the drill so well memorized that it takes zero brain power to just zip across the field.

Yeah, did I forget to mention that you'd be doing this all on a football field? Yeah, so unless you want to be incredibly bored at ever football game that you will be forced to go to, you oughtta learn how the game works to at least some degree. Best thing I can compare it to is Payload in TF2 or Tower Control in Splatoon. When your team has control over the ball, it is their objective to get the ball to the end goal. You get 4 "downs" to do this in, and the number of downs you get refreshes when you get a "first down", or you manage to get the ball 10 yards in one go. When you're at 4th down, you get the option to kick the ball through the big honkin' posts to score a field goal. I think that's what it was called. I dunno. After a touchdown, you get the option to either kick the ball through the posts or just run it to the endzone again. That all make sense to you? No? Fine.
Anyway, football games are the stinkin' worst, you just stand there for a while and maybe, only if your team isn't terrible, you get to play a stand tune or two. And you'd better pray the line to the concession stand during your third quarter break isn't super long and just PRAY that you don't have to use the bathroom too much before then.

Now, let's say you survive the first football game without wanting to commit murders. Your first football game was most likely spent in the "summer uniform", or your band uniform, probably blue jeans or khakis depending on your school, and the dreaded marching shoes. When you eventually do get fitted for uniforms, be prepared for the sweatiest and itchiest thing you've ever worn. And if you're taller, wider, any semblance of big, you'd better hope you get to uniform fitting before the other larger people do, lest you end up having to squish into a uniform that fits terribly.

So now you have the uniform fitted and a few football games under your belt. The first competition is just over the horizon. Your nerves are probably all screwey. This is gonna be so hard. Then you get out on the field, perform your very best... And it wasn't hard at all and you get to take off the uniform! You get to go to the concession stand! And if you have any friends (Band kids are super eclectic, you're probably gonna make some real close ones if you're the type to be muckin' around on the indie web (That's you)), you get to do some light yapping and watch some bands together! Competitions are goated.

Then comes the parade. If your school participates in any sort of parade. You might get to play one of John Philip Sousa's delightful marches, true, but it's gonna be like a whole hour of continuous marching and playing. The worstest test of endurance. And somehow it always manages to be on the hottest day you've ever seen. Even if it was sweater weather yesterday, you're undeniably going to be sweating your ass off for two miles. And there's probably a competition afterward.

Then eventually, after weeks upon weeks of busy weekends and stupid awful football games, championships is right over the horizon. Within pissing distance. The big finale is finally near. It's almost over.

Now, I don't know about other regions, but my experience is with Atlantic Coast Championships, ajudicated by Tournament of Bands Tournament International Association. They host it at Hershey Stadium in Pennsylvania every year, meaning we always get to spend a day at Hershey Park! And I always bring the Wii and room with my friends and we have a grand old time... Unless we perform the second day. Then we just go to bed freakily early and it was pointless for me to bring the Wii. We perform, buy insanely overpriced food and other such merchandise (They have pants, hoodies, and blankets and stuff. So dang pricey. But the blankets are really good though.)

Now. You've finally done it. It's all over. Final performance. You never have to do this again. Until next year if your parents don't want you to quit. But now... You miss it. All these pleasant memories that, trust me, really weren't that good in the moment, these memories flood your mind. The late and dark bus ride home leaves you a nice and peaceful time to ruminate and nap on the awful, uncomfortable school bus. And then comes concert band. It's tedious and I don't like it.

In short, marching band turns you into a cynical turd. Don't do band. But please join band, we need more people. It's the most love/hate relationship thing ever.